Sweet Naija Life… Toasting

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So what made me start writing this verbiage?…. I don’t know…. Maybe it’s cos it’s getting close to the end of the year and every nigerian I know is entertaining the thought of going back to naija this xmas, or maybe it’s cos I just talked to my brother in j-town for over 2 hrs about naija life, or the scarcity of gas in ATL is seriously reminding me of the days back home when I’ll wake up early in the morning to line up for fuel…. Omo Naija life na suffer head man. Wake up 5 am, and line up for gas and at 7pm gas is finished…. so your whole day has been wasted.

Anyways…. I was watching this clip of you-tube about nigeria being the happiest place on earth or at least home of the happiest people and it amazes me how that can be so. I mean with all the sufferhead, no light, no water, bad roads, armed robbers, corrupt police and officials, and just general lawlessness we still beat yankee, jand, china, canada and other countries to become the happiest nation. My mom thinks we’re mad, and all nigerians are mentally unstable to be happy and surviving in those conditions. But, it’s the little things that make naija sweet sha ooo.

Nothing makes life sweeter for a young man in naija than toasting babes…. the art of toasting (i’ll have to kowa-ciate in a later blog) is one of the best reasons for dating a naija babe or at least attempting to date one. And I’m not talking about toasting naija babes here in yankee that have gotten used to the yankee way of dating…

No… I’m talking about toasting a babe when the babe is not even giving you face… practically begging the babe for one minute of her attention. In addition to all that, you’ll take the babe and her friends out, send her gifts, buy her recharge card multiple times, beg her to call you, and sometimes risk being flogged by her army “mai-guards” just to tell her some of your sweet toasting lines (“you are the sugar in my tea”, “anytime I see you my heart shouts alleluia”, “I love you pass my mama”) that she will probably pretend to ignore… Kai…. naija babes are too much… sometimes….lol.
The best part of the whole experience is when u finally close the deal… the first day the babe opens the honey pot for consumption… Omo… it’s like you’ve gone to cloud 19 twice and come back. Kai… it’s like the best day in the world….so far. All your friends that helped you out (those that gave your their cars to pose, those that gave your their apts, those that performed side-kick role just so you could convince the babe to come out) will celebrate with you. It’s almost like you’ve just won the lottery.

Then the dreaded happens… the babe believed all the toasting lines you gave her, and is in love with you now. In addition the excitement is gone…. she’s now “disturbing your life”……stopped dressing like a hot babe and is wearing wrapper(local outfit) way too often…. she stopped forming for u and the honey pot has now turned into a pot of sour burkutu (local drink) and is not sweet anymore… Gbeunshing(having sex) has actually started feeling like work sef. So as a correct guy what do you do? You give her the best exit strategy line you can (hopefully u had one prepared from jump) and start the whole process again with another sweet babe that u just met…. probably “the finest babe u’ve ever seen”….lol. Life goes on….Omo that’s what makes naija life sweet man.

7 COMMENTS

  1. U are on the wrong road.That is definitely NOT what makes Naija life sweet.How can lust which eventually turned sour be the reason why Naija life is sweet? Jaguda,Jaguda,Jaguda.

    • I was just about to write what Sage said . . . living in Nigeria shouldn't be about making someone else's life miserable.

  2. Lmao @ sage, why u dey vex? i dnt know if you grew up in naija, but i did and back in em days, these were the little things dat kept youngns entertained…. The smarter girls knew better than to fall 4 all dat BS but the ones wey thnk say dem fine like mami water na dem dey quick fall their and lol.. And i would know cuz i'm a girl!

  3. HAHAHAHA! as a woman, i can appreciate the humor and childish thrill this brought to the lives of young bucks in naija. I hope since you're looking back on how life used to be, some things have changed in your approach to women. But either way naija life is sweet! can we get something like this written from a woman's perspective

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